I’ve been taking a meditation class but even meditation is not helping me to cool down on this one. TIME is claiming there is a battle in motherhood in America. Really?!?! Where have they been for, oh, I don’t know…forever? My oldest is 24 years old. Back then (and time eternal before) if you worked, you felt guilty for not being at home. If you were at home, you felt guilty for not working.  If you breastfed, people pushed formula on you. If you formula-fed you were beaten up for not breastfeeding. Shall I go on? The world’s oldest profession is not prostituion, it’s motherhood and guilt is the gift that society hands you as soon as you find out your’re pregnant.

The shameful thing is that TIME had a golden opportunity to open up a real dialog on parenting. Instead, they allowed the “sexier” “hotter” topics of breastfeeding beyond what the AAP recommends as being extreme to become one of the moving tagets. Extremism is the nasty monster under the bed. 

Feel the need to hold your baby rather than let him cry? Extreme! Want to eek every moment out of your time with your little one? Extreme! Feeling exhausted because you’re trying to juggle things? Extreme!

And to make matters worse, they hold  Dr. William Sears up as the evil mastermind of attachment parenting. He took a beating today that is beyond believable. Let me just say this: attachment is as old as human beings. TIME could have read the whole library wing on this topic but decided to blame the poor pediatrician for something that was never his to begin with.

Parents, ignore the smoke and mirrors that TIME and society are using to alter your sensibilities. Here is the truth: Parenting is unbelievably hard. It’s also unbelievably wonderful. And it would be much easier if editors, writers and the lady standing in line behind you at the market didn’t judge you so hard. But, they will. So the solution is to take a really deep breath and then smile. Because guess what: YOU“RE the parent. Which means this is your child to raise, to learn from, to teach, to cry over, to cherish, to cheer, to break your heart in a thousand and one little ways and then mend it again with one big, sloppy smile. If your persecutors want to step in and do it for you, tell them to come on in at 3 am when everyone except the baby is exhausted and take over. But I can promise you that not a one of them will.

As for me, I’ll not be buying an issue of TIME magazine again. If I want mindless chatter I’ll read something more worthwhile, like PEOPLE magazine.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!! You are doing a great job, whether anyone else acknowledges it or not. And I respect each and every decision you make as the mom. Now go give that sweet baby a hug

I am a happy 32 weeks along now, and nothing could have put a bigger smile on my face than my doctor giving me a congratulatory high five at my weekly appointment. That reassurance from him that this was milestone #1, and if, for some reason, my little one would make his appearance now, the chances of him being happy, healthy and thriving at this point are excellent (insert gigantic sigh of relief). Suddenly, the complaining and feeling sorry for myself for the last 6 weeks seemed petty, and the motivation and desire to push through till my next milestone (34 weeks) took full force. 6 weeks already down, what’s another 2 or 4…or even better another 6?! My ultimate goal, my biggest milestone, is 36 weeks, and I will be here on the couch dreaming about it, but regardless of when this baby boy comes, I know that we have made it this far and the light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger by the day.

I believe that for an expectant mother, on bed rest or not, goals and milestones are wonderful. Even in the easiest of pregnancies it can be hard: the fun aches and pains, realizing you can’t paint your own toes anymore, the day where you make 2 stops at the fast food restaurant and wash everything down with a chocolate shake, then feel guilty afterward, or when you meet that lovely stranger who can’t help but say, “wow, you must be having twins, you’re huge!” I’m sure we have all been to the point where we just can’t wait for it to be over and hold our sweet baby in our arms. Having a goal or milestone to look forward to makes that day seem so much closer, and helps to realize that, even though we already know it, sometimes we need a little reassurance that it will all be worth it in the end. Maybe that “something” to look forward to is a weekly milestone, like myself, maybe it’s a baby shower, maybe it’s an ultrasound appointment… whatever the case, just keep pushing through and work towards it. Before you know it, this big day will be here, and there will be a whole new set of milestones to look forward to with your precious little baby.

I have mentioned before that my 2 year old daughter Aybree is quite verbal, in fact she has been referred to by many as my little mini me. She will say things that make us laugh because as sincere as she is about it, hearing certain words or phrases coming out of a toddler’s mouth is just hilarious.  The other day, as we were all sitting on the couch together reading a book, Aybree decided to grace us with her words of wisdom beyond her years once again.  She slowly slid off the couch, walked into the kitchen, and stood by the pantry.  It was then that she yelled, “daddy, can you come here for a second, I need a snack?”  For a moment I looked in to the kitchen and was fully expecting a teenager to be standing by the door, and at the same time had a flashback of holding my infant daughter in my arms wondering what life would be like when she was this age.

Again, I do realize that this wasn’t a milestone moment by any means, but it was my moment. The point in time where for just a split second I was praying that time would stand still because the thought of her getting any bigger was heart breaking. The moment passed, we laughed about her little comment, and of course daddy got up to get her a snack. But I still can’t help but to replay it in my mind.

I’m sure all parents have had their moments, a simple word, phrase, act or milestone that has brought about similar emotions. For me it is impossible not to think about the past and wonder about the future, but the here and now is such an amazing point in time. To see the little person my daughter is becoming is such a rewarding feeling, even on the days where she has obviously woken up on the wrong side of the toddler bed. I know the words are cliché, but if I can offer any advice to new mommies, it would be to enjoy every second because it goes by so fast.  Before you know it, your 16 year old toddler will be surprising you every day.

Need a good laugh? Check out this cute website about the silly things kids say and do!

www.funnythingsmykidssay.com

Two weeks ago I made my first trip to the hospital after experiencing contractions that continued to get stronger and closer together. Fortunately, after 4 days I was able to return home with strict orders of bed rest and quite a life transition for our family. But my wonderful, supportive husband and I kept telling ourselves that our little boy was strong and healthy, was still cooking inside, and that’s all that mattered.  The last 2 weeks have been stressful and frustrating to say the least, but we began to adapt to our new schedule and routine.  Then, this past Saturday night, just as we were starting to feel comfortable and settled in and my husband sat down for the first time in 18 hours, it began again.  I started to time the contractions: 10–12 min apart, then 7–10 and by the time we made the decision to head to the hospital once again they were stronger than ever and 3–4 min apart.  Luckily, once again, my wonderful doctors and nurses were able to get the situation under control, baby boy continued to be happy and thriving, and most impressively there was no change to my cervix which calmed everyone’s nerves to an extent.  I was able to go home the next day, continuing my medication, continuing bed rest, and now, continuing to worry on a daily basis that I could once again end up in the hospital, not knowing if the next time I might be going home with a baby.

So as I mentioned, emotions are flowing rapidly.  The biggest emotion I feel is guilt.  I feel guilty that I have turned everyone’s lives upside down. My 2 year old daughter who was at my side every second of the day up until these events has now been thrown in daycare full time and has had difficulties adjusting. I feel guilty that my husband has now been put in a position where he is working 2 jobs, and now on top of it must keep the house in order and take care of our daughter when he comes home simply exhausted.  I feel guilty that both of our families, as well as my friends, have also voluntarily and graciously offered more help than we can possibly thank them for by caring for our daughter every afternoon, cooking us meals and doing laundry.  And, I feel guilty for being more concerned about how I have disrupted everyone else’s lives versus thinking of the well-being of my baby.

Frustration: my frustration levels are off the charts. I become so frustrated, sitting here alone every day for hours on end, not able to contribute at all while everyone is bending over backwards to make sure that I am ok.  I’m frustrated because on an average day I feel fine, thinking putting away some laundry isn’t going to cause any harm, but knowing perfectly well that it could.  And I become so frustrated when I’m constantly told by everyone that,” it’s only 7 weeks; it’s for your baby; etc, etc, etc,” (I then immediately feel guilty for becoming frustrated because I know that my unbelievably supportive friends and family are only trying to make me feel better and help me through this).

The list of unsettling emotions could go on and on, but I feel it’s most important to say that despite the negative feelings I have, this experience has given me a new outlook in many ways.  It has given me time to bond with this little boy in a way I hadn’t done up until this point.  I have battled to become a stronger person who must be ok with asking and accepting help from others, as well as learn to focus on the positive when I normally am a very anxious person who fears the worse.  Overall, it has made me feel so incredibly blessed and fortunate to have such wonderful, caring, understanding and helpful people in my life. If there is any advice I could give to a mother to be who must be on bed rest, it this: those who care about you are not going to offer and give the help if they truly don’t want to, so be grateful and accepting, and know in your heart that you would do the same for them.  Soon enough it will be over and your reward will be your precious little one who was completely worth every ounce of craziness.

I like to tell my husband that he has many titles: father, husband, handyman, part time cook. I think we can add one more to that list: nurse. Since he’s the one home this afternoon that means that he needs to abide by my type A personality by writing down every temperature, all oral intake, and every dose of Tylenol. This is how I’m used to monitoring childhood illnesses at work and I don’t know how to do it any different with my little one. Despite seeing sick children frequently at work, it’s just not the same when it’s your own child. My heart broke because I wish there was a way to wave my magic wand and make him better. He still gave me a small smile, but he wasn’t the same spunky little guy I’m used to.

It’s kind of ironic. I’ve always told parents, “This is going to be harder on you than it will be for your child.” Being sick, teething, and getting shots are no fun for the children but they’re resilient. It’s always much harder for the parent to see the child cry or be in pain. … Looks like it’s time for me to take some of my own advice.

I am now just about 7 months along with my second child.  I have said before, my first pregnancy with my daughter was an absolute breeze, no real aches and pains or ups and downs. This time, well, let’s just say this little boy inside me is giving me a run for my money.  From the weeks of bed rest early on due to significant bleeding, to the insomnia, to the constant headaches, and the list goes on, this time around is anything but a breeze.  So when I began to feel cramping last week, my first thought was, “what now?”  Part of me wanted to simply chalk it up to being pregnant, much like many other symptoms, but there was that feeling telling me that maybe, just maybe, something else was going on.  It was then that I had a flashback: November 16, 2009 3:00am. That was the exact date and time that I was having a typical late night bathroom break at 9 months pregnant, when it seemed as though I was “going” just a little too much.  I pondered the possibility that my water had broken, but didn’t want to be the moron that rushed to the hospital only to be told that no, everything was in-tact and to lay off the late night glasses of water.  So I went back to bed, feeling a little out of sorts, and laid awake until 6am when I told my husband that maybe just to be safe we should call the doctor when the office opened at 8:30am.  We did just that, went in at 10am, and sure as my instincts were covered by my pride we found out my water had broken and we were on our way to have our baby.

So here I was with these painful stomach cramps, part of me not wanting to see the doctor who could quite possibly tell me it was gas, and part of me remembering the guilt I felt for not trusting my instincts with my daughter on that November night.  How does the story end?  Because I chose instinct over pride this time around I am now on bed rest for a minimum of 7 weeks due to the fact that cramping I was experiencing was indeed contractions which needed to be put under control with the help of 2 hospitals, numerous bags of fluid, and an extreme amount of medication.  Not exactly the answer I was expecting, and suddenly going in to see the doctor who could have told me it was gas wasn’t sounding so awful, but ultimately choosing to make that appointment is now keeping this baby happy, healthy and cooking for a while longer.

So if there is any advice that I can give to expectant mothers it would be to always, always, always trust your motherly instinct. It kicks in long before your baby arrives. There is never any situation to small that wonderful doctors and nurses, like the ones I was fortunate enough to have at Columbia Center, wouldn’t be ready and willing to assess.  And if it does end up being gas, don’t feel silly, be thankful.

Bed rest can be very trying on a mommy-to-be and her family…here’s a great website that offers tips on how cope with bed rest

http://www.justmommies.com/articles/bed-rest-pregnancy.shtml

This has been quite a journey for me, from being voted least likely to get married in my high school class to becoming  a proud and very fortunate father and husband.  I was blessed with a wonderful, very understanding and patient wife who has a remarkable ability to be able to deal with my several faults and sometimes hectic life.  I cannot thank her enough for the best gift she could have possibly given me, a beautiful little girl and our pending second child, a boy.  As someone who never thought he would settle down and take a wife, the birth of our first child was most certainly met with some apprehension.  I found myself not only fearing that I would clumsily drop our little one, but was gripped with the fear that I wasn’t going to be a good father, or would be able to do enough to provide for my little girl in the way that I wanted.  These fears were suddenly there, dancing around my head, as I held our little Aybree for the first time.   I’m sure that this is a rather natural phenomenon when a major life altering change takes place, but it is something that I think all dad’s go through just because we possess the male gene, the gene that drives us to provide, to make sure our children have even more opportunities than we did.  I found myself realizing that my life’s goals had changed, had taken a different path, and now the most important thing in my life was to make sure that I became the best father that I could.  Now we have been fortunate enough to be expecting our second bundle of joy and these same fears continue to plague my thoughts daily.  This time the questions morph into bigger issues, can I be a good dad to both kids?  How am I possibly going to provide for two?  Yet, there is some irony this time: these questions, while worrisome, are also strangely comforting.  Knowing that the answers to these questions can only be bore out over time, and that I have the ability to affect the outcome makes apprehension turn to excitement.  The ups and downs, the lessons that fatherhood teaches every single day make the journey of being a father the most enjoyable voyage I will ever have the privilege of traveling on.  If there is any advice I could give to a scared or nervous soon to be father is just enjoy it all, embrace the challenges, and most importantly do what you think is right; and, of course, rely on your wife, support her through her difficult transition, and when all else fails two words will always get you through, “Yes Dear.”

I had forgotten that today was the release of the book. Just before Christmas the publisher contacted us out of nowhere. They had seen this photo on the Columbia Center website and wanted it for the cover of the latest edition of what is an invaluable tool for families, as well as doulas.  The book is required reading for all doulas who certify with DONA International and is read by doulas all the world over.

Our photographer gave permission, as did Columbia Center, and the rest is history. On the back cover you will see the photo credit and that it is used with Columbia Center’s permission. We will be on the cover for a number of years to come I can’t wait to tell all the doulas who I know that it’s us, front and center! Be sure to ask for Doula Julie’s autograph the next time you see her.