Candy is not one for the spotlight but it is our chance to tell you that Candy is the visionary behind so many of the things you love about Columbia Center: the can-do attitude, our doula program, all of our wonderful amenities, our ongoing educational offerings for staff and families, the whimsical carpet and ribbon running down the hall, and, of course, the excellent care that you receive when you are here to have your baby. And, did I mention, she bakes for the staff!

Today, please give your baby a big hug from us to celebrate your place in Columbia Center’s success story. We are so glad that you are a part of us. And you have been touched by Candy, whether you have actually met her or not.

I fly. A lot. Of all the things that I have witnessed on my flights in the last year: the woman who played a game on her iPad with the volume up all the way for an 8 hour flight from Paris to Chicago, the family that kept their baby in her carseat and let her cry and scream until she repeatedly vomited during a flight from Orlando to Milwaukee, the woman who was way overserved alcohol to the point of not being able to walk to the bathroom, etc; This is not even in the same ballpark. Puhleez — there needs to be a reality check here.

Delta did toss a mom off a plane a few years back and it landed them in a heap ‘o trouble. Too bad they didn’t learn from that incident. In another incident a Delta flight attendant gave a mom a hard time who had a baby in an Ergo baby carrier. When they reached their destination the mom was met by armed police officers.

I usually feel pretty badly for the flight attendants. It’s not an easy job, customers can be obnoxious and the challenges of their work are many. But a little common sense must prevail.

World Breastfeeding Week is celebrated in 170 countries worldwide. The goal is to pump up (no pun intended) the moms who are nursing and to raise awareness that breastfeeding can mean the difference between life and death in some countries.

Does that mean that by our celebrating WBW that we don’t support mom’s choice in how to feed her baby? Absolutely not. We always want to make sure that we not only support families, but also provide them with accurate information regarding feeding.

So, here’s to you who are currently breastfeeding, have breastfed in the past or who will be the breastfeeding families of tomorrow! We honor you and your sweet babies.

Parenthood rewires our brains so that caring for a baby becomes easier. We’ve actually known some of this about moms for awhile now and it’s exciting to see that the baby stimulates dad’s brain, too. And for the cherry on top: babies stimulate our brains and we stimulate theirs.

So the next time you’re playing with your baby, remember that you’re growing your brain — and hers!

I love my iPhone. I love it a lot — ask anyone who knows me. And I regularly review apps for parents and expectant parents. But even I never thought someone would let the iPhone name their baby.

In the Apple App store you can find the “Kick to Pick” app. For just 99 cents your little one can choose his/her own name by kicking the phone when the phone is held near mom’s belly. There are old-fashioned names, modern names. Some that may even terrify you. But you might just get a laugh out of it.

What will they think of next???

I saw a story on The Today Show about Nathan and Elisa Bond and their 18 month old daughter, Sadie. The Bonds are in their 30s, living the American dream in Brooklyn. On Valentines Day Nathan was diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer. That’s enough to rock anyone’s world, right. Just 13 days later Elisa was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer, which has spread to the bone. This kind of moment is so unjust that it’s hard to even write it, let alone believe it. 

The part of the story that shook me out of my “I-don’t-ever-want-to-know-what-that’s-like-and-I-can’t-think-about-this-anymore-right-now” reaction was a statement that Elisa made on The Today Show. “When you think of us, don’t think of us with sorrow. Think of us with hope. Hope that we will be with Sadie for her 5th birthday, her 10th birthday, arguing with her about the keys for the car when she’s 16.” They are living in love.

They are surrounded by family and friends who are doing the tasks of day-to-day so that they both can receive treatments. They took care of long-term planning for Sadie’s future right after their diagnoses so that they can focus on the business of healing. And they are positive and kind and living in the moment.

May we all be the same.

Related Link:

Bond Family Blog

I took a gander to see what all the fuss was about and some of it was pretty interesting.  And I enjoyed reading about how some of the situations had turned out. Time (no pun intended) is a great leveler. I mean, Facebook is still trying to remove breastfeeding photos from its home, Delta lost some $$ after kicking a breastfeeding mom off a plane, etc. I actually missed one of the events: I had no idea that Old Navy in 2009 sold onesies that said, “Formula Powered”. And I know that what Time Magazine said was about breastfeeding is not always about breastfeeding in my own thoughts.

I guess there’s a part of me that finds it funny that anyone sees breastfeeding as controversial. I know I shouldn’t be surprised but I am a little. It’s good for us to dust off our issues and see them with fresh eyes every now and again.  And I’m trying to do the same. Enjoy the look back.

On Thursday we learned that the IRS reversed their decision and pumps are once again allowable. How often does that kind of thing happen? They. Just. Reversed. It. The sheer amount of online pressure on Facebook and blogs and other sites allowed those who cared about this topic to swiftly unite.

If you read the letters from the House and Senate it’s heartening to see that the arguments they use in favor of breastfeeding are the ones we’ve been stating forever. It did my own heart some good to see this kind of declaration come from elected officials.

I have to say, though, that no Wisconsin Senators signed the letter. And only two Wisconsin reps from the House of Representatives, Tammy Baldwin and Gwendolyn Moore, signed.

Even with that, I’m choosing to accept the Valentine that’s been offered. Breast milk for everyone!

My baby was born early and due to some concerns she was in the NICU. It was really scary to see her in an isolette with an IV in her little head. My husband made her new “home” cozier by placing a sign there that proclaimed: “My name is Alyson Ruth Grauer” so that everyone knew who she was, not just that she was a baby. She was given formula for three days in hospital because of her stay in the NICU. I could only hold her for short periods of time but my heart longed to be there with her always. I thought of her as I pumped my breasts to get my milk in, alone in my postpartum room. I trusted the staff to take good care of her until she was ready for me. And they did.

Finally, on her 4th day of life a nurse said, “You’re planning on breastfeeding, right?” She took the baby and me into a tiny room and sat me down on the loveseat. She handed Aly to me and said, “Go ahead.” Then she left the room. I opened my shirt and my nursing bra and tried to put her to the breast. The baby cried and couldn’t latch. I cried, too, out of desperation. Finally, after what seemed like at least 20 minutes but was probably much shorter, I took her into the NICU and demanded a bottle of formula from the nurse. “This baby is starving and I can’t help her,” I cried.

That’s when my turning point happened, my miracle. A neonatologist, Dr. John Deacon, had watched my outburst. He quietly walked over to me and patted me on my hand. “Mother,” he said very kindly as he looked deep into my eyes, “your  baby NEEDS your milk. What we just did was wrong. If I promise you that we will do it differently and give you help, will you promise me that you will try … for your baby?” I would have done anything he asked in that moment. “Yes!” Afterwards a nurse worked with me and my baby to help us begin again after such a rocky start. I was still anxious but determined.

What I have always wondered is this: If Dr. Deacon had not been working that day and had not seen what happened, would I have just taken a bottle of formula and never looked back on breastfeeding? Would I have said that I tried but that my baby didn’t like it? Would I have missed out on giving her something that she really needed? Would I have gone on to be a childbirth educator, doula and lactation consultant?

I never saw Dr. Deacon after that day 23 years ago but I thought of him many times. And then yesterday he showed up at Columbia Center. Out of the blue. My heart skipped a beat. He didn’t remember me, of course, but I told him and his lovely wife about my encounter with him all those years ago and how he had given me the right words, the right touch and the right attitude to breastfeed. I told him how that moment was my turning point as a new mommy and that now I work with families and that he has, in effect, touched each of their lives. He seemed almost speechless as I thanked him for that gift and finally he said, “No. Thank you for the gift you just gave to me.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

Who is the Dr. Deacon in your life? Who has impacted you beyond what they could have ever imagined? Let them know that they were your miracle. You’ll be glad you did.

This is pretty hot stuff right now. There has been much talk about Ms. Chua’s new book on the topic, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” and I suspect she probably feels that her words have been misinterpreted  by some. She has voiced her viewpoint and I am taking this opportunity to address some of the issues in hers that are causing me the most difficulty.

1. “ What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it.”

I struggle with this because I don’t believe it to be true. Life is about the journey, not just the end result. And we can’t all be good at everything.The struggle to learn something new and to master it can be fun as well as challenging. And I can have fun at bowling or scrapbooking or whatever even if I’m not great at it. Doing something just for the experience is enlightening and enriching.

2. “That’s why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. That’s why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it.”

I have no trouble believing that the parents she is referring to love their children. And that she is describing a cultural difference. But I wish to say for the record that deep in my core I know that shaming a child even once can last a  lifetime. The embarrassment, harsh criticism and shame  heaped on a child can color their  thoughts and relationships in ways that will stay with them. And not in a good way.

3. Ms. Chua to her husband: “Oh no, not this,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Everyone is special in their special own way,” I mimicked sarcastically. “Even losers are special in their own special way. Well don’t worry, you don’t have to lift a finger. I’m willing to put in as long as it takes, and I’m happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games.”

“Even losers are special in their own special way”. Just because someone doesn’t earn six figures, have two houses or run a major corporation does not mean they are a loser. Maybe Ms. Chua believes that the woman working the cash register at the bagel store is a loser because she didn’t live up to her “fullest potential”.  But if the woman is happy doing the job, why does it matter. And how does Ms. Chua know that the woman doesn’t find her fulfilment and give back in other ways.

4. “Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”

I think what saddens me is I’m not seeing any joy in what she’s describing. Yes, I want my kids to challenge themselves, to be prepared for the future. And I also want them to find the joy along the way. I am giving her space to feel what she believes to be true but I see no tolerance of another viewpoint. Life is a gift and serving others, while not usually glamorous,  is one of the single greatest parts of living. Like any other parenting “style” du jour I am certain this will have its 15 minutes of fame and then we will move onto the next. I just hope the next one does not also involve a mother calling her child “garbage.”